they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
