im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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