My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize