I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
