Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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