white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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