we have pet lesbian snakes
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
