I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
