Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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