There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize