I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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