Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think my mom watched the whole time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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