Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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