I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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