first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
