Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
