And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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