You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
