But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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