Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
