i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wish there were birth control emojis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize