Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
