Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
