remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
