he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
