Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
