It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize