I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
