I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
