matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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