I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
