i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
