Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
