I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
