Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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