good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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