I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
