Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
