This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize