The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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