You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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