dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Rumble strips road head = magical
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
