I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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