Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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