i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
