Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
