My cat gives me a boner
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
