Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
