Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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