Dual....:-)
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
