I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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