girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
