Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
