Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
