just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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