I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just want nice things and good sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
