my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
