so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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