We won't sleep together?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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