Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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