Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
