Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
