btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
