Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
