She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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