she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
