just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
