I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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