I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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