he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
