just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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