i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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