found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
