I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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