Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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