A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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