the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
