Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize