and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
