So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
