i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
