She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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