Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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