pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
