He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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