Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
