Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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