I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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