$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
