i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize