I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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