1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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