If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
