Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
