i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
