So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
