how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
