Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
