ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
