my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
