You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
