Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
