i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
