I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Someone shit on the floor
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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