I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
