Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my liver is dry heaving
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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