He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
