i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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